I am a NERD!

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It is hard to believe summer is over. Our children start a new school year filled with excitement and promises of new accomplishments. As I take my boys shopping for school supplies and order uniforms I remember my school days.

For some, memories of high school bring back happiness and a longing for “the good old days.” For others it can bring back painful memories.

I am in the latter group.

I was not liked by popular girls and I remember feeling lonely and unworthy at times. These were girls I had been friends with for a few years but during our senior year I was alienated.  I was teased and victimized by pranks. I never knew why I was so disliked. Whoever said “sticks and stones may break your bones but words will never hurt you” was wrong!

I didn’t conform to the “popular” crowd – I didn’t drink, smoke, have sex or gossip. I respected my mom and I never broke curfew. I worked hard at school and I was goal oriented – a NERD by “their” standards.  (Even today I have “NERD” as my license plate!)

I admit I wanted to be liked and accepted by them. At that age it can feel like the end of the world when you are excluded.

I am embarrassed to say it has taken me many years to get over the negative words spoken over me. It’s been harder letting my guard down to make new friends.

I don’t share this with you for pity but rather to understand that any experience – good or bad – is a trial. We should share what we learn from it to help someone else. I pray that if anyone has or is experiencing these things that you find encouragement and hope in what follows.

There are many scriptures concerning friendships – the value, quality and love of a true friend. Some of my favorites:

1Samuel 20:17

And Jonathan made David reaffirm his vow of friendship again for Jonathan loved David as he loved himself

Proverbs 27:9

The heartfelt counsel of a friend is as sweet as perfume and incense.

Proverbs 27:12

As iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens a friend

Proverbs 12:26

The godly give good advice to their friends, the wicked lead them astray

Psalm 119:63

I am a friend to anyone who fears you-anyone who obeys your commands

Proverbs 11:13

A gossip goes around telling secrets but those who are trustworthy can keep a confidence.

1Cor 15:33

……”bad company corrupts good character”

Proverbs 17:7

A friend loves at all times….

God knew exactly what He was doing by allowing me to go through that difficult time.  I needed to learn the value and characteristics of a true friend. He blesses us with friendships and encourages us to find God-fearing friends. Whom you consider a friend makes a statement about your own values.

Had I conformed in high school I would not have accomplished what I was destined to do.  I would probably not have the precious friendships I have now. I am still guarded when making friends but I use God’s standards versus fear of being hurt.

A true friend is someone who encourages you, speaks truth into your life, makes you accountable, loves you unconditionally, doesn’t pass judgment or gossip and won’t leave you in your hour of need but instead joins you in prayer.  God desires that for each one of us but he wants you to be selective!

Lessons I have learned the hard way:

… a “friend” who gossips about others will eventually make you the subject

…a friend acknowledges you at all times and isn’t embarrassed to stand by your side

…a friend fears God and doesn’t conform to worldly standards….

…a friend doesn’t ask you to compromise your values to suit their needs…

….a friend doesn’t tear you down but forgives and never reminds you of offenses

….a friend gives freely without expecting anything in return

…..a friend loves you at all times. To have a friend you have to be willing to do the same. True friendship isn’t a one-way transaction.

If I could go back as an adult and talk to that teenage girl from high school this is what I would say…

”Terry, it’s going to get better. God has destined you for great things and you will be surprised by what you accomplish. You need to be strong, forgive those who hurt you and stay true to yourself. He will bless you with incredible friends – Victoria, Debra, Cathy, Mari & Trica. These remarkable women are friends you may not feel you deserve but He puts them in your life at just the appropriate times and they are daily reminders that God loves you. In return you will cherish them and their loyalty you will never question. You are not insignificant. You are a wonderful child of God. He will replace those tears with laughter.  Life gets really good!”

Whatever I endured during school made me the person I am today. I am proud to be a NERD! Those same characteristics of a NERD that used to make me feel excluded are the very things that have helped me succeed in life and be blessed with wonderful friends.

It’s ok to be different and not conform to the world. God expects us to use our talents and time wisely. We shouldn’t be ashamed of who HE made us to be. A NERD is someone who follows the rules, is diligent, ambitious, respectful, and yes at times quirky! Find friends that embrace the person God made you to be and whom never ask you to change.

After all, if I am made in God’s image then that means He is a NERD too!