Affair Proof Your Mind

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As a woman thinks… so she eventually acts.

Our thoughts are so powerful.  If we want to affair proof our marriages, we must make our thoughts work for us instead of against us.  

A few years ago I watched a friend get tangled up in an emotional affair.

She was a strong Christian woman who loved her family but the attraction to this other man seemed unavoidable.  She tried to talk herself out of it but her heart played tricks on her mind and the justifications for letting things go just a little further soon led her to a very dangerous place.  She was becoming emotionally attached to this other man.

In a moment of desperation and fear, she confided in me what was going on.

As she described how she got pulled into this place, I found myself being challenged by the realization of how subtly this had happened.  She hadn’t planned on being emotionally attracted to this other man. As a matter of fact, she’d always prided herself on being a woman of strong conviction and had scoffed at the idea of ever being tempted to have an affair.

It starts off simple enough- a comment made that you mull over one too many times, a conversation in which you find a surprising connection, a glance that lingers just a second too long, or one of a thousand other interactions that seem innocent yet aren’t.  These are the dangerous seeds that can easily sprout into an emotional affair.

Some think it is a safe way to enjoy the lure of being attracted to someone other than your spouse without crossing any lines.  But God boldly and plainly says in 1 Corinthians 6:18, “Flee from sexual immorality.”  God doesn’t say walk away from sexual immorality.  No, He says to flee as if your very life is at stake!

The time to prevent an emotional affair is before it ever starts.

I must never rest on my spiritual laurels and say that it could never happen to me.  We are all just a few poor choices away from doing things we never thought we would.  I minute I think it could never happen to me is the moment I become a prime target for Satan.

Jesus warned his disciples in Matthew 26: 41,”Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation.  The spirit is willing, but the body is weak.”

The Life Application NIV Bible commentary says, “Jesus used Peter’s drowsiness to warn him about the kinds of temptation he would soon face.  The way to overcome temptation is to keep watch and pray.  Watching means being aware of the possibilities of temptation, sensitive to the subtleties, and spiritually equipped to fight it.”

Watching:

I now realize that I need to be aware that I am just as prone to this temptation as anyone.  One of the best was to be watchful is to be praying with and for my husband. We need to be open and honest about meeting each other’s needs and investing wisely in our marriage.  If we get into a rough place, we need to be willing to get help.  I love the quote, “If you are busy rowing the boat, you won’t have time to rock it.” The more my husband and I are taking care of each other, the less attractive temptations will seem.

Sensitive to the Subtleties:

I will have to be honest with myself that temptations do exist.  When another man says or does something I wish my husband would say or do and doesn’t, it can make me lessen my husband in my heart and build up this other man.  This is a seed of poison.  If watered and fed, this seed will sprout and spread and devastate.  Seeds seem so small until you realize that within them they contain the potential to become huge.  So, I will be steadfast to keep the fertile ground of my heart pure.

Spiritually Equipped:

Philippians 4:8 reminds us, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  I must park my mind with the truth and the truth is I am married to an amazing man.  He is not perfect and sometimes our marriage can be hard but I made a commitment to Him in a covenant before God and there are no Biblical reasons in our marriage why we should ever part.  Therefore, I’ve made the decision not to part in big ways or small.

My friend did the hardest but wisest thing she could have done in telling me about her emotional affair.  It helped her to see she needed to flee and have someone else hold her accountable.  But it also helped me.  Her admission made me aware and alert to the dangers lurking in any kind of unhealthy emotional connection with another man.

Dear Lord, may I forever treasure my marriage and see it worthy to be protected.  Help me to be a courageous woman who absolutely flees from any and every situation where there is even a hint of danger. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Lysa Terkeurst

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